Independent Spouses: A Trend That Should Be Used
Independent Spouses: A Trend That Should Be Used.
People are trying to kill two birds with one stone: get the most out of marriage, while maintaining independence. And business is only on hand, writes Mark Penn in his book “Micro-trends that are changing the world right now”.
In order to understand which idea will “shoot” and which will not, you need to be guided by the actual needs of people, predict what will be popular in the future, and know the existing micro-trends. In the book “Microtrands that are changing the world right now,” published by Alpina Publisher in late January, sociologist and political scientist Mark Penn described the signs of the past 10 years: male housewives, popularizing LGBT people, reducing trust in banks, biohacking, legalization marijuana, drones, etc. Forbes publishes a chapter on one of the modern trends: marriages in which the spouses remain independent.
All new trends indicate that the features of the modern lifestyle lead to a rethinking of marriage. Therefore, it is not surprising that many people who decided to start a family, especially in relatively late periods of life, bring a strong shade of independence to this union: they spend their vacations separately, spend the night in different bedrooms, premarital last names, etc. the bonds of marriage were not so independent of each other.
There are groups that have always lived like this, for example, military families. Such couples are constantly “together but apart” due to the specifics of the profession; However, the divorce rate in such families is one of the lowest. The same applies to cabin crew families. The question is to what extent such results are typical for families in which each spouse lives his own life, although this is not due to the nature of their occupation.
In a sense, this trend has something in common with guest marriages from the first “Microtrends”, where there has been a twofold increase in the number of couples living together with “visits” from 1992 to 2005. Over the past decade, the number of such marriages has stabilized at a level of 3.4–3.8 million, and this way of life is no longer considered something exceptional. And in any case, the variety of ways to separate the existence of married couples has only increased. A radical example of independent existence is the current president, Donald Trump, and his wife Melania: separate bedrooms, separate apartments, and until recently, different cities. And despite all this, their union gives the impression of being very strong.
Much of what is observed today is just the result of a long period of independent life, when each person acquires his own habits: the ritual of going to sleep, diet, amount of light, air temperature, noise level in the house and other physical aspects of the environment . Therefore, when people decide to marry, they are far from always ready to change their lifestyle. They prefer to live as they are accustomed to, to some extent agreeing with the ideal from the film “Annie Hall” – separate apartments across the park from one another.
According to the journal Psychology Today, longer periods spent separately force the spouses to plan their time in advance, especially if they do not live under the same roof. If they need to spend two hours on the road to meet, they will carefully prepare for this meeting, show responsibility and avoid possible “monotony in relationships”, the article states. And further: “It is clear that such” voluntary “, rather than” forced “arrangements can encourage couples to more self-giving during meetings, which leads to a more interesting and useful pastime, does not allow to be bored and increases satisfaction with marriage.”
However, all these trips to your loved one can be tedious, at least in the first time after the vows at the altar. Regular movements over long distances increase the likelihood of divorce. If the duration of the trip from spouse to spouse exceeds 45 minutes, the probability of divorce increases by 40%. However, the longer independent spouses live in this mode, the less it means the duration of trips. But guest marriages are just the tip of the iceberg. Today, even couples living under the same roof lead an independent lifestyle.
A case in point is the micro-trend of independent spouses – couples sleeping apart from each other. One of the surveys of the National Sleep Foundation showed that about a quarter of married couples sleep in separate beds, and some other studies suggest that the real figure is closer to 30–40%. Furniture makers and interior designers have already paid attention to this and more and more often offer layouts with two separate master bedrooms, decorated and furnished differently. According to the forecast of the National Association of Housebuilders, in the near future 60% of homes in America will be built with separate master bedrooms.
What explains such a dramatic change? It can be caused by an increase in the incidence of sleep apnea – indeed, no one wants to sleep next to a snoring bear. Sleep disorders associated with disorders of the respiratory function are becoming increasingly common throughout the world, and especially in developing countries such as India, China and Brazil. Previously, sleeping separately from your partner was considered unacceptable. This was perceived as a sign of the imminent collapse of relations and lack of intimacy. But, judging by the amount of money spent on separate bedrooms for spouses, today this does not cause disapproval. Many experts also tend to conclude about the benefits of separate sleep. Individual bedrooms can improve relations between partners, and it does not matter what the problem was: snoring, sleeping, or the need for personal space.
Perhaps, independence of behavior and lifestyle couples always wanted. A marriage will not collapse if one spouse does not tolerate the snoring of the other and prefers to spend a couple of days a week in his own apartment. Considering how diverse couples are created in today’s America, and how life is arranged in it, it is possible that the independence of the spouses is a useful innovation, and not a sign of loneliness. Healthy sleep improves mood and improves the quality of sex. As Marriage expert Stephanie Kunz notes in his note in The New York Times, couples with separate bedrooms feel more “confident” in their marriage, “not to mention their sex life”.
An independent lifestyle leads to several consequences. First of all it concerns health and diseases. Few people are so worried about the health of a person as his second half, which ensures that he undergo medical examinations and feels good. Can new trends lead one spouse to miss the appearance of alarming symptoms that the other is not paying attention to? Science says that marriage has a positive effect on health. A recent survey of 25,000 UK residents found that having a husband or wife increases the chance of surviving a heart attack by 14%. Family people usually live longer, are less susceptible to heart attacks and strokes, are less prone to depression and are more likely to recover from serious illnesses than single and unmarried people. In certain subgroups of the population, this is even more pronounced – so, unmarried white men are worse than others recovering from oncological diseases. Can this help reduce the number of independent spouses?
Another important issue is the influence of lifestyle in a couple on children. Is it good for them to live in two houses? Or does it lead to alienation, similar to that experienced by children left with one of the parents after the divorce? It is also possible that the children of independent spouses will follow in their footsteps when, having matured, they will understand that independence is the key to a successful marriage. Partially, the trend to refuse marriage is determined by the value that young people give to independence, but perhaps the “together but separately” model will be a good compromise for the millennials. If the spouses maintain freedom even in marriage, its attractiveness may increase, or, conversely, unmarried people will be convinced that it is not so important.
The customs surrounding marriage also undergo obvious changes, and the micro-trend of spouse independence only broadens the Americans’ perception of it. If we talk about a wedding celebration or dinner for relatives and friends, how much will the old customs, such as dance with a bride, change? Can the fact that the bride is friends with only one of the spouses, cause not to invite the other to the wedding? Will the obligation to attend events and celebrations be relieved?
Another trend associated with the independence of spouses – separately conducted vacations. If earlier it was customary to take a spouse as a travel companion, now this is no longer the case. Taking vacations separately is considered normal for American couples. Americans increasingly prefer to travel alone, whether it is a purely male outing on nature or a trip with children, but without a spouse. According to the TripAdvisor travel portal, 59% of its users spent holidays separately from their best half. Interestingly, President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle rested separately from each other, which in the eyes of many experts looked like a “sign of strength.” As well as different beds and different apartments, separate rest can improve the quality of jointly spent time.
Separate vacations and large spending on themselves affect consumer behavior. There is a whole travel market that is offered separately to husbands or wives, with or without children. Travel industry pays special attention to this, as well as the growing popularity of weekend parties such as “hen party” or “bachelor party” among spouses with experience. They increasingly serve as plots of works of mass culture, and it is not only about bachelor parties before the wedding. One of the main movie premieres of the summer of 2017 was the comedy “Flying Girls” about the journey of four women (both in relationship and free).
It is possible that there will be more tours targeted at traveling alone or in a small company without couples. Perhaps the hotels will also offer more cheap single rooms for single travelers. Hospitality industry will have to take into account that the attitude to travel and the cost of such travelers is different. Now, when there is Airbnb and the possibility of cheaply renting a room or a one-room apartment, the hotel industry will have to reconsider its usual approach with a focus on double rooms and prices.
Independent spouses will affect the housing market – in fact, this is already happening. Builders, furniture makers and interior designers are looking for new approaches to business, ranging from building houses with two master bedrooms to a design that takes into account the tastes of each of the spouses. According to The Wall Street Journal, offers to rent houses with two or more master bedrooms in the upper segment of the market are on average 9% more expensive than with one. Elle Decor magazine wrote that, according to a 2016 survey, “almost a third of those interested in houses worth $ 2 million would like to have two separate master bedrooms.”
People are more divided than ever before in their tastes, habits, ways of spending money and caring about health. And this is a global trend. So, in 2011, the census in the UK showed that 6% of married Londoners prefer to live separately from each other. In fact, for Europe it is even more characteristic than for the USA. The decision is often made for practical reasons, for example, due to the need to continue studying or is the result of more liberal views. In countries such as Russia, France, Germany and Norway, about 10% of married couples live separately. In the UK, about 10% of the adult population is SC (separated couples).
It may seem that separate bedrooms, their own careers and even more so separate housing separate the independent spouses from each other. But this is far from necessary. Understanding of marriage is changing: people increasingly want to be with their half, without compromising their own independence. In this sense, independent spouses are trying to kill two birds with one stone: get the most out of marriage, while maintaining independence.
